It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
