she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
