I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
