Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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