We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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