she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
