I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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