Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
