Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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