I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize