So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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