I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
