she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
