Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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