Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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