Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Found your dick twin last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
NoShamevember. You game?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
