I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
