Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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