its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize