I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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