did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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