A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
