Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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