Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
