glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
