people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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