I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
