Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
