I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
