so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
