ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
