Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That accounts for only three of the penises
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
