Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
