You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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