Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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