i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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