So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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