The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
