3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
