We should be called the Road Head Warriors
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
