You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
