there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
