the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
