between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
