what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
