i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
