I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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