I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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