how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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