my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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