Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
