is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
