Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
