he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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