He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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