I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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