First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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