took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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