You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize